I’m working from a prompt that says “what monkey bar are you moving from, and what monkey bar are you moving to, in 2012?” (www.ayearwithmyself.com)
It’s an interesting question. I feel like, as I get ready (already!) to cross over into the second month of the year, that I’ve made a lot of momentum. I’ve applied for internships. I’ve started classes. I’ve quit a job I hated and embraced two that I love, knowing that both of them are transitional. I’ve started to consider changing my course concentration. But what’s the big picture? What are the point A and point B all of this is traveling between?
In the biggest possible picture, I could say I’m moving toward motherhood, toward a new career, toward marriage – these are all on the horizon, though the timelines for some are more defined than others. I could say I’m moving from young adulthood into adulthood, from the arts to the social sciences (though that’s not really fully true – I won’t ever really move FROM the arts), from part-time jobs to full-time (I hope) job. But I don’t think any of those are really what this year is about.
In the past few months, I’ve started, ploddingly, frustratingly, to work toward a meditation practice, a yoga practice, more pleasure reading, less television, more homemade food, less convenience food – I think this is the big picture. I’m moving from getting through to living, from incomplete to authentic. I’m trying, in all the ways that I’ve found that make me more able, to live a full, complete self, instead of just being here. It’s hard. But even in the liminal space between these two places, I’m already feeling more secure, more solid, more whole – and if I can feel that while moving between, I can only imagine how good it will feel when I get there.