Getting “balanced” is not the remedy to stress. Passion is.
– white hot truth
I tell myself that I need balance…but I’m wrong…what I need is time to explore all of the unbalanced curiosities that pull my interest in all directions…
What would you do if you weren’t scared?
The answer is simple. AUDITION! I miss the stage. Yes I want to be directing, yes, I want to be life coaching, but I miss performing more than everything else combined!
i cried when my kids did their last show yesterday, more than usual. and i hope that they learn the lesson that they were singing…
If you believe
Within your heart you’ll know
That no one can change
The path that you must go
Believe what you feel
And know you’re right, because
The time will come around
When you say it’s yours
if you’ve never experienced the final week of a production (tech week, hell week, whatever name you want to give it) you can’t possibly know the feeling. you begin the week in a place where nothing is done, nothing is ready and everything is on the brink of getting somewhere but not there yet. and you end the week with applause and tears and shivers of wonderfulness…
i guess maybe it’s like a short version of the anticipation of advent or lent…but condensed and amplified…and extra special when it’s with children!
i saw this on my friend k’s blog and couldn’t resist. in fact, hers made me cry, so i knew it was something i needed to do.
so here are the sacred spaces i’ve encountered in my life:
1. the hannan house kitchen – i can’t count the number of hours spent sitting on the floor or the kitchen counter or the washing machine and being my most authentic self with the wonderful women and men i was lucky enough to live with for two years, and the friends and family they brought in and out of the house with them
2. the living room of a big victorian house – like k, when i come to this place, i can be as authentic and safe as anyplace i’ve ever been, maybe more…i’ve watched people discover their voices here, i’ve found stories that i didn’t know i could tell here, and every time i go back, i find someone else that i can’t imagine not meeting, and hear words that i needed desperately to hear
3. the retreat house of my first journey retreat – i discovered so much in those 3 and a half days…things i’m still unfolding 15 years later…and the first time you encounter an unrestricted, hugs encouraged sign of peace in a room full of high school students just realizing who they are and who they can be is amazing…not to mention uninhibited full voice songs of unrestricted joy…i rejoiced when they said to me, let us GO unto the house of the Lord…
4. the field behind the retreat house of my confirmation retreat – it sounds crazy, but you can’t imagine how beautiful a field full of wild turkeys is early in the morning…and somehow phenomenally inspiring
there are other places that have had times of sacredness…the seders i’ve attended, the times i’ve been so lost in a song that it feels like the most overwhelming place of peace, the right gathering of people, at the right time and place can build an energy like no other…and i really believe that at those times, that feeling is God…
it’s weird…i didn’t feel like i was stressed or worried about my mom…i mean, i knew i was worried, but i didn’t FEEL worried…until i realized tonight at the end of rehearsal how much i wanted to be home by the phone and how exhausted i was…guess i’m feeling it differently…it’s not on the surface…but boy is it there…
Where do you bloom?
This was the question today on whenigrowupcoach.com. I think it’s a good one. And I think it has multiple answers.
- on the front porch with a good book and a glass of ice water, and a journal
- curled up in bed on a rainy day
- sitting in the patch of sunlight on the hardwood floor in an empty or really clean room
- driving with my girl and the radio and a retreat ahead of us or just behind us
- walking in the rain
- walking on a perfect sunny day
inspiration can be anywhere…
Desire = What you would love do right now. Which is different than what you are in the mood to do.
I am not in the mood for anything. I don’t want to work. I don’t want to read. I don’t want to do anything. Why? I’m depressed…
This isn’t a new feeling or a new place to be in. It’s not a new depression. The causes are more tangible this time…I can tell people “reasons” for my depression. But the fact is, it’s not really any different. I’m not depressed BECAUSE of these things…they just feed into a state that was dormant and waiting to be awakened.
I don’t feel like I’m acting depressed, but it seems like people are noticing.
But here’s the thing…there are things I would love to do. Cook, dance, write, move ahead with coaching, reorganize…and I need to DO those things! Whether I feel like it or not.
but the only inspiration right now is that i’m still breathing…still making it through…and still writing, even if only a little bit each day. it’s been a tired, stressed, cranky day.. and i’m done with those, but they keep coming…